Everyone likes a good laugh, so we thought we should help out by providing some jokes. To start it off, we have provided a few laughs that we found, but we would really like you to email us your favourite(s) (so long as they are appropriate), so that we can add them to this page. If you would like to send us some jokes, email us by going to our Response Page.

These jokes were taken from The Penguin Dictionary of Jokes which was edited by Fred Metcalf

 

1) It worries me, I'm getting so absent-minded. I mean, sometimes in the middle of a sentence I . . .

 

2) One night I was so confused that I got into the bath without taking off my clothes! But it didn't matter, because I'd also forgotten to turn on the tap.

 

3) Said by a mother to her son: "If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don't come running to me!"

 

4) My uncle was knocked 30 feet in the air by a speeding car - and the police charged him with leaving the scene of an accident!

 

5) Child: "Mum, come quickly! I've knocked the ladder down outside!"

Mother: "Well, don't tell me. Tell your father."

Child: "But he already knows - he's hanging from the roof!"

 

6) Person A: "Did your watch stop when it hit the floor?"

Person B: "Of course! Did you expect it to go straight through?"

 

7) Person A: "Have an accident?"

Person B: "No thanks. I've just had one."

 

8) Person A: "How did you break your arm?"

Person B: "Well, do you see that broken step?"

Person A: "Yes."

Person B: "Well, I didn't."

 

9) Person A: "I was walking past this building when this brick came hurtling down, missing my shoulder by this much!"

Person B: "Thank goodness!"

Person A: "And landing smack on top of my head!"

 

10) Mechanic: "How did you smash up the wing like that?"

Driver: "I hit a pedestrian."

Mechanic: "You did all that damage just hitting a pedestrian?"

Driver: "Well, he was on the bus at the time."

 

11) He was arrested for stealing a calendar. He got twelve months.

 

12) It was three hours before I realized my bedroom had been burgled. I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean pair of socks.

 

13) My uncle makes money the old fashioned way. He steals it!

 

14) When I look back on my life, I think, hey, I haven't done to badly. I started of as an unwanted child and today I'm wanted by at least six police forces.

 

15) When God created man, she was only testing.

 

16) He and I have a personality clash. I've got one and he hasn't.

 

17) I never forget a face - but in your case, I'll make an exception.

 

18) My sister is a librarian. She carries a card that reads: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, SSHHH!

 

19) Reader: "Can you tell me where the 'self-help' section is?"

Librarian: "But doesn't that defeat the whole purpose?"

 

20) Person A: "Who told you you're a good book-keeper?"

Person B: "The librarian."

 

21) The local library was moving to the other side of town. To save costs, residents were asked to help out by borrowing ten books each and returning them three weeks later.